Friday, November 12, 2010

Shiny Happy People

Quick hits from the homefront...

MathMan My World
Wednesday evening I was writing another sex scene and hit a snag.  I wasn't sure if it rang true.  MathMan was stretched across the bed checking Facebook or writing a Calculus quiz.  Does it matter? (no).  I swiveled in my chair to face him and gave him the one eyebrow raise. He smiled invitingly.  After spending half your life with someone, words aren't always necessary.

Without telling him what I was up to, I coaxed him into position so I could test the authenticity of the scene.  Actually, coaxed is probably too strong a word.  The fun part (besides the obvious) was that this was something different for us.  It's not something we usually do.  While hyper-efficient communication can be a happy result of being together for a long time, the downside is that sex can become routine and more about efficiency than wild abandon, romance a casualty of time. 

In case you're wondering, with just a bit of tweaking the scene works.  

Yesterday, I got bogged down by my growing addiction to political TV and became frustrated.  As a result, I hit the wall of writer's block.  And I think it made my cheek break out again.  It could be political TV, it could be the fact that I messed with my hormones when I had my Mirena IUD removed, it could be my rosacea roaring back due to stress.  Whatever the cause, it's annoying as hell to have wrinkles and an angry red blemish on my cheek.  I can't even hide it under my bangs.

Idiotically, I thought flipping through TV channels would solve that.  Instead I got caught in the beam of watching war movies.  Sink the Bismarck, to be specific.  (That happens to be the movie MathMan mentioned the other day that resulted in my out of control craving and the consumption of two donuts last weekend.)

I texted MathMan to let him know that I was watching the movie.  Then I decided to just start typing (damn it!) to see if I could get around the stupid block.  (Turns out that's a very effective tool for breaking writer's block.) Before I could get back to typing, I had to read the last two paragraphs to remember where I'd been when I left off the night before.  I was a few words in before I realized that I was reading aloud using my Winston Churchill voice.  A sex scene read as Churchill.  Try it.

Poor Chloe.  The parenting doesn't stop just because she's nineteeen and living away from home.  She called yesterday morning because she was sick. Being sick is not only gross and painful, it's inconvenient.  She shares the bathroom with several other girls in the sorority house which makes it also embarrassing and horrifying.)  As I listened, I realized that this was the first time she'd been sick like that away from the relative comforts of home.  Last year while living in the dorm, she'd been lucky enough to avoid getting any kind of stomach or intestinal bugs.

While I tried to be sympathetic and offer words of comfort across the miles, I couldn't help but think that if Chloe were the kind of kid who went out and got ridiculously, don't remember what you did last night drunk once in a while, this wouldn't have been the first time she'd been puking in a strange place.

Although I'm sure that keen observation would have sounded hilarious delivered in my Churchill voice, I refrained.  Sometimes you've just gotta hold back. 

So what are you holding back?  Who do you do impressions of?  What do you do when you have writer's block?  Who do you call and cry to when you're sick?


  1. I imagine that Winston would give any sex scene, even the typical generic yawner in most marriages, a gravitas found only in the finest porn.

    Bet you start a trend, and we start seeing hat n' cigar combos in said industry.

    Until my voice started cracking, I did *the* finest Horshack impression in the western world.

  2. "Impressions"? I don't gotta show you no stink in' impressions!

    The only person I will mention something too - but never will I cry on her shoulder - usually says, "Suck it up you weenie!"

    Writer's block is caused by you not being selfish enough. Clear all those "family people" out n tell them to grouse elsewhere.

  3. Reverse cowboy really isn't all that satisfying, imho.

    Sex scenes narrated by Churchill would be funny, yet Churchill himself was horribly undersexed, probably because his mother, in particular, was ridiculously oversexed.

    I hated being sick away from home. I feel for Chloe. Tell her barfing on grass is perfectly acceptable for college students, having done just that on the lawn of a couple fraternity houses in my flaming youth.

    Take care, Lisa.

  4. Hmmm.....

    What do you do when you have writer's block? I get out of the house and go for a long walk. If that doesn't work I don't try and 'force it'. I just wait knowing my words will return when they're ready.

    Who do you call and cry to when you're sick? My mom!

  5. I do Bob Dylan. And I kept waiting for you to read the sex scene to us... Churchill voice or not.

  6. Ok... for the next week I'm doing EVERYTHING in a Churchill voice! I don't care what it is. I'm even going to post my next blog in said voice and see if anyone notices. Probably not. :(

  7. When you mentioned reading sex scenes in the voice of Winston Churchill my first thought was doing the same while imitating Margaret Thatcher. It was very off-putting to say the least.

  8. I'm not even going to mention to my husband that if I wrote in another genre (like romance novels) I'd have to try all the sex on him! My memoir only goes to age 13 so far. That was closed-mouth kissing for me.

  9. I'm sick more than my kids at this point, and they take care of me. It's very sweet.

  10. Did it involve a cigar? How Clintonesque. ;-)

    You are the only person I know with the courage to mix sex and sickness in a public rest room in the same post.

  11. I do a mean Flannery O'Connor.

    As usual, you crack me up, Lisa. That sex scene must be worth a read. ;)

  12. So what are you holding back?

    A strong urge to tell my employer to take this job & shove it.

    Who do you do impressions of?

    Just about anyone.

    What do you do when you have writer's block?

    Wait it out?

    Who do you call and cry to when you're sick?

    When I am really sick I want just enough help to get through it, but mostly I want to be left the hell alone.

    I call the husband.

  13. I don't do impressions, partly because I suck at it.

    I hate when I can't write anything, but that is most of the time.

    You crack me up woman!

  14. Research is crucial to good writing.

    I'm still working on figuring out what's holding me back. When writer's block hits - I am trying to be more gentle about it - I'm trying to stop fighting it and instead, use the time to fill the well.

    I couldn't do an impression to save my life, but my sister does an Ethel Mermon Singing Stairway to Heaven that will have 'em all rolling on the floor every time.


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