Thursday, February 10, 2011

There's a devil on my shoulder, baby


Dear Lisa,

Just because the Starbucks Hot Chocolate ice cream is buy one get one free at Publix and just because you had a dollar off coupon making that pint cost only $1.07 and just because you ate right out of the container while standing at the kitchen counter does not make that creamy, delicious treat calorie and fat free.

See the elliptical there behind you?

Giddyup, sister.

What little lies do you tell yourself?


  1. I don't seem to be able to get away with little lies anymore. I almost immediately call myself on my bullshit. I think it's a function of getting older. I can't even fool myself anymore.

  2. What, you mean other than "No your butt doesn't look big in those jeans", "The cheque (check) is in the mail" and "I won't cum in your mouth"?


    But I could be lying to myself, of course....

  3. I don't care when one of my kids are not invited to a birthday party.

    That's such bullshit. I want to knock that parent out. Give them the biggest wedgie of their life and leave them hanging there, flailing in the wind.

  4. After six weeks of physical therapy after knee surgery in December, I need some encouragement. HELP! take the Ben and Jerry's out of my frozen hands! It's delicious taste will not end all anxiety, anxiety will be back tomorrow like a bad case of fleas. Get on the dam bike and figure out what the hell the surgeon was talking about when he said eat a Mediterranean diet because the American diet is hard on the joints.

  5. Those new bags wrinkling under my eyes when I smile would certainly go away if I got more than five hours sleep.
    Wine is on the food pyramid under fruit.
    The caffeine in Starbucks ice cream most certainly raises your metabolism to counteract the calories.
    These jeans shrunk in the dryer.
    Denial is my medium. I could go on indefinitely...

  6. If I eat it off my KIDS' plates it doesn't count. Of course the glass of wine BEFORE dinner doesn't COUNT (sure, that's just a one serving glass). I'll really get back to my fitness plan (insert new, not quite here date)

  7. There are no calories in cookie crumbs.
    My breasts are getting larger but not the rest of me.
    Fresh fruit on ice cream adds needed fiber.
    If it's only me who notices undone housework, doing it can wait another day.
    One day I will be a famous illustrator.

  8. I'll only go online for a half an hour..

  9. That excessive caffeine is not really what's making my heart race.

  10. That bag of Dove chocolate hearts crawled here from CVS on its own. Honest.

    Besides, they're little, and I'm only going to eat one a day.

  11. Just walk in a circle as you eat. Problem solved.

  12. Drinks don't count when you're dieting. Like wine. And beer.

  13. "I'll just check my email real quick ..."

  14. Are you kidding? Little white lies are the webbing that holds my sanity together:
    Full sugar Pepsi won't make me gain weight.
    I get plenty of exercise.
    I don't have time to dust.
    Nor do I have time to cook.

  15. i'll start tomorrow.

  16. ok.... just to make you suffer a little.... I am headed here today

    to buy a little chocolate for my daughter.

  17. Ice cream is made with milk. Milk has protein. Protein builds muscles. Just saying.

  18. Ok, so you opened the bag of potato chips and just planned on eating two chips. If you don't finish up the bag, the chips will get stale. It is just one small bag.

  19. Lies, what lies? I don't gotta tell you no stinkin' lies!

  20. I am too tired to drive to the gym this morning before work. I will stop by there on my way home, and exercise TWICE as long.

    I'm not putting winter weight on. The thick, heavy clothes make me look fatter.

  21. I can lose 2 pants sizes in the next 3 weeks. Or 20 pounds by the time we leave on vacation.

    My stepkids think of me as their real mother, and therefore don't miss her.

    I can just eat one piece of pizza/eat 2 or 3 potato chips/nibble on one square of that chocolate bar and save the rest for later/stop at one glass of wine.

    I don't care if that man/woman/therapist/neighbor/doctor/teacher likes me.

    Losing every now and then is good for me.

  22. I'm not getting older, I'm getting... um...

    58 degrees in here is fine with me, really!

    I'm only short when I'm standing up...

  23. Roses are Red
    Violets are Blue
    I love providing blog fodder for you!

  24. I'm not too fat, I'm too short.
    Tonight I'm not having any wine.
    Starting this week, I'm going to keep track of ALL of my Weight Watchers points.
    If I really had to spend less money, I could. (Said to husband when he says he'll never be able to retire).
    I could go on....


And then you say....

(Comments submitted four or more days after a post is published won't appear immediately. They go into comment moderation to cut down on spam.)