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Thursday, February 10, 2011

There's a devil on my shoulder, baby

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Dear Lisa,

Just because the Starbucks Hot Chocolate ice cream is buy one get one free at Publix and just because you had a dollar off coupon making that pint cost only $1.07 and just because you ate right out of the container while standing at the kitchen counter does not make that creamy, delicious treat calorie and fat free.

See the elliptical there behind you?

Giddyup, sister.

What little lies do you tell yourself?




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29 comments:

  1. Jayne MartinFebruary 10, 2011 at 11:45 PM

    I don't seem to be able to get away with little lies anymore. I almost immediately call myself on my bullshit. I think it's a function of getting older. I can't even fool myself anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Angie MuresanFebruary 11, 2011 at 12:58 AM

    What eliptical? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. SJFebruary 11, 2011 at 2:19 AM

    What, you mean other than "No your butt doesn't look big in those jeans", "The cheque (check) is in the mail" and "I won't cum in your mouth"?

    None.

    But I could be lying to myself, of course....

    ReplyDelete
  4. MsbFebruary 11, 2011 at 4:57 AM

    I don't care when one of my kids are not invited to a birthday party.

    That's such bullshit. I want to knock that parent out. Give them the biggest wedgie of their life and leave them hanging there, flailing in the wind.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Lisa PalmerFebruary 11, 2011 at 5:57 AM

    After six weeks of physical therapy after knee surgery in December, I need some encouragement. HELP! take the Ben and Jerry's out of my frozen hands! It's delicious taste will not end all anxiety, anxiety will be back tomorrow like a bad case of fleas. Get on the dam bike and figure out what the hell the surgeon was talking about when he said eat a Mediterranean diet because the American diet is hard on the joints.

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownFebruary 11, 2011 at 8:28 AM

    Those new bags wrinkling under my eyes when I smile would certainly go away if I got more than five hours sleep.
    Wine is on the food pyramid under fruit.
    The caffeine in Starbucks ice cream most certainly raises your metabolism to counteract the calories.
    These jeans shrunk in the dryer.
    Denial is my medium. I could go on indefinitely...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hart JohnsonFebruary 11, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    If I eat it off my KIDS' plates it doesn't count. Of course the glass of wine BEFORE dinner doesn't COUNT (sure, that's just a one serving glass). I'll really get back to my fitness plan (insert new, not quite here date)

    ReplyDelete
  8. susanFebruary 11, 2011 at 9:46 AM

    There are no calories in cookie crumbs.
    My breasts are getting larger but not the rest of me.
    Fresh fruit on ice cream adds needed fiber.
    If it's only me who notices undone housework, doing it can wait another day.
    One day I will be a famous illustrator.

    ReplyDelete
  9. DownithFebruary 11, 2011 at 10:05 AM

    I'll only go online for a half an hour..

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2011 at 10:19 AM

    That excessive caffeine is not really what's making my heart race.

    ReplyDelete
  11. NanFebruary 11, 2011 at 11:03 AM

    That bag of Dove chocolate hearts crawled here from CVS on its own. Honest.

    Besides, they're little, and I'm only going to eat one a day.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Randal GravesFebruary 11, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    Just walk in a circle as you eat. Problem solved.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousFebruary 11, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    Drinks don't count when you're dieting. Like wine. And beer.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sue JFebruary 11, 2011 at 1:03 PM

    "I'll just check my email real quick ..."

    ReplyDelete
  15. Susan TinerFebruary 11, 2011 at 1:05 PM

    Don't get me started.

    ReplyDelete
  16. MnmomFebruary 11, 2011 at 2:58 PM

    Are you kidding? Little white lies are the webbing that holds my sanity together:
    Full sugar Pepsi won't make me gain weight.
    I get plenty of exercise.
    I don't have time to dust.
    Nor do I have time to cook.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hannah StephensonFebruary 11, 2011 at 6:13 PM

    Yum yum yum yum! :) Sounds fantastic.

    ReplyDelete
  18. L'AdelaideFebruary 11, 2011 at 7:04 PM

    no, i don't think so...
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousFebruary 12, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    i'll start tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  20. okjimmFebruary 12, 2011 at 11:13 AM

    ok.... just to make you suffer a little.... I am headed here today

    http://www.oakscandy.com/

    to buy a little chocolate for my daughter.

    ReplyDelete
  21. willisFebruary 12, 2011 at 12:41 PM

    "Eliptical" = Sculpture

    ReplyDelete
  22. gmbFebruary 12, 2011 at 11:19 PM

    Ice cream is made with milk. Milk has protein. Protein builds muscles. Just saying.

    ReplyDelete
  23. MariaFebruary 13, 2011 at 12:52 PM

    Ok, so you opened the bag of potato chips and just planned on eating two chips. If you don't finish up the bag, the chips will get stale. It is just one small bag.

    ReplyDelete
  24. willFebruary 13, 2011 at 1:49 PM

    Lies, what lies? I don't gotta tell you no stinkin' lies!

    ReplyDelete
  25. rennrattFebruary 13, 2011 at 6:25 PM

    I am too tired to drive to the gym this morning before work. I will stop by there on my way home, and exercise TWICE as long.

    I'm not putting winter weight on. The thick, heavy clothes make me look fatter.

    ReplyDelete
  26. AnonymousFebruary 13, 2011 at 6:33 PM

    I can lose 2 pants sizes in the next 3 weeks. Or 20 pounds by the time we leave on vacation.

    My stepkids think of me as their real mother, and therefore don't miss her.

    I can just eat one piece of pizza/eat 2 or 3 potato chips/nibble on one square of that chocolate bar and save the rest for later/stop at one glass of wine.

    I don't care if that man/woman/therapist/neighbor/doctor/teacher likes me.

    Losing every now and then is good for me.

    ReplyDelete
  27. AnonymousFebruary 13, 2011 at 11:44 PM

    I'm not getting older, I'm getting... um...

    58 degrees in here is fine with me, really!

    I'm only short when I'm standing up...

    ReplyDelete
  28. UnknownFebruary 14, 2011 at 9:44 PM

    Roses are Red
    Violets are Blue
    I love providing blog fodder for you!

    ReplyDelete
  29. MauigirlFebruary 15, 2011 at 12:10 PM

    I'm not too fat, I'm too short.
    Tonight I'm not having any wine.
    Starting this week, I'm going to keep track of ALL of my Weight Watchers points.
    If I really had to spend less money, I could. (Said to husband when he says he'll never be able to retire).
    I could go on....

    ReplyDelete

And then you say....

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