Unemployment Diary: Call me

Fun fact: A turnkey operation for that phone sex hotline will cost $799 set up fee plus $50 a month in maintenance fees. All I need is a home phone (got it) and a preamble which identifies the line and the cost per minute. Billing begins in three seconds...

And I'm going to have to create a marketing strategy.

This idea is taking shape. A question remains:  Will I be able to do get through a call without laughing? The websites I've researched stress a level of professionalism and good customer service to ensure repeat customers and word of mouth marketing. Really? Do people, guys mostly, I suppose, discuss their phone sex calls? I'm going to have to do some reconnaissance on this. Maybe do a Joyce Hyser like in Just One of the Guys. I guess I'll listen in at bars, the gym, the grocery store. Maybe the local barber shop?

Looks like I'm going to have to improve my game. I can imagine all kinds of things going wrong.(dream waves go here)

Oh, yeah, baby. Yes, right there. Mmmm. Oh, one second. (Stage whisper) Sophie, Daddy will have to help you with that math homework when he gets home.  Ooooh, yeah. Do you like that?(Note to self: Lock door)

Or ....

You want me to say what? Um...okay. But do I have to say it in that Edith Bunker voice again? (Note to self: Rehearse!)


Or....

Tell me how you like it.  What? No, not your hamburger. MathMan! get off the line! (Note to self: No second extension for the business line.)

Or.....

And then I take your ..... shit, I've lost my notes, what do you like me to call your thing again? (Note to self: Get a whiteboard. And markers.)

Or.....

Yes, you can call me Dcup, Senator. I mean, darling. Senator darling. (Note to self: Confidentiality rules. Remember them.)

Or....

Mmmmm, what? Oh that? It's my new sex toy. It does? It sounds like a mixer? Well, that's interesting. You just keep going, while I pop this cake into the oven.... (Note to self: No multitasking unless the customer requests it.)

It's also been suggested to me that I might want to update my look for the marketing material. Really? Color my hair? Botox the crinkles? Loofah the cellulite? Wouldn't it just be easier to use photos of my younger, more nubile self? I'm still that flexible hottie on the inside. Or a graphic. Why not just a graphic? Like my old DCup avatar? (Let's not discuss how old that thing is.)

What do you think? Maybe I'd better research the ethics of this. I mean, what is not sexy about this?

Would have been better if the sour cream weren't fat free.

 

Okay, maybe my adviser has a point. And even though I sound quite young on the phone, won't callers figure out pretty quickly that someone with my experience would have to be at least ...... oh nevermind. I'm overthinking this.

First things first. I'll see if I can do this kind of work for someone else. It that works out, then I'll get my own line.

As I mull this over, aside from the initial investment and the fact that I will finally be paid for my sex work, there's little reason to prevent me from giving this a try. It's rather like I've been in training for it for the last oh so many years.  And here's another upside to it:  Reading erotica can now be considered research and prep instead of just that thing I do when no one is around to hear the buzzing.......