When he was little, he would lay his chubby, baby-soft hands on my cheeks and say "I look like Mama" in his gravely voice. When he was about two, I put a real baseball into his outstretched hand and in return he gave me a black eye with it. Now I watch his hands steer the wheel of the car with ease. Almost a man. I see him absentmindedly pet a cat who's taken up residence on his lap as he watches Top Gear and get a glimpse of how tenderly he might treat his own child some day.
May that day be far far off. I'm just putting that out there because there's a condom on his dresser in plain sight. Better that he has one, I tell myself. It does, however, beg the question - should I ask him if he needs it every time he leaves the house? A recent search of old Ann Landers' columns holds no clues. Useless, Ann.
The house is loud when they're around. There's no mistaking it when they offer commentary for everything on the television. No one is safe from their razor sharp tongues. Not Anthony Bourdain, not arod or is it A Rod? Whatever. If they think you're doing something wrong - and there's lots of wrong being done in this world - they're going to point and laugh and holla. With the volume cranked up to eleven.
Guys, let me take some photos of your hands.
Not like that! That's too We Are the World!
What's the statement you're trying to make, Mom?
Do a handshake.
A white guy handshake or a black guy handshake?
There's a difference?
Pay no attention to her, Torezz. She doesn't know what she's talking about.
You can't do a black guy handshake right.
Do this. No this. This. Wait. Let's do this.
Are those gang symbols?
Maybe.
Um....
We won't throw gang symbols on your blog. Jeez.
And when it was done, they took their show into the kitchen and used those hands to grate potatoes to make themselves hash browns to go with their frozen waffles and half a gallon of syrup.
UPDATED!
Randal does a cover up.
Geoffrey on what makes us - us.
UPDATED ENCORE
Summer and the little artist.
Does this photo essay confer upon you the honorary title of 'gangsta?'
ReplyDeleteThat first shot, extra grain, looks like a long-lost still from Night of the Living Dead. Awesome.
A recent search of old Ann Landers' columns holds no clues. Useless, Ann.
ReplyDeleteNo kidding. "Why ask Ann anything?", I've always wondered.
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So glad my kids are 26 and 32 :).
ReplyDeleteOh, I enjoyed this. Boys are such strange foreign animals, aren't they? They think different than we do. he should probably take the condom every time. Always better to be prepared.
ReplyDeleteThere should be a bowl full of condoms on the entry way table, right next to all the car keys, the postage stamps, and the dog's leash.
ReplyDeletehe should probably take the condom every time.
ReplyDeleteand have his hopes high.
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I think you should absolutely embrace it and just embarrass him by wrapping a huge box of condoms, presenting it to him as a gift, and then watch his face as he opens it in front of you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Probably good thing I don't have kids.
The feel of baby-hands is among the best tactile sensations in the world.
ReplyDeleteYou are a good mother.
ReplyDeleteI love how these pictures came about. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm with Laura. Embrace the uncomfortable with humor. He may need it more than you know.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I believe Ann and her twin sister, Dear Abby, departed this material world a while ago. I could be wrong. But it is the only rational explanation I can come up with to explain this mostly inexplicable lack of direction I feel in my life.
ReplyDeletewell.... I sure gotzta hand it to you.. nice photo. I can't put a finger on why I like it....but I just had to knuckle down and say so... at least you didn't try to palm off just cheap stuff.... certainly will not thumb my nose at you.... gees let me go back to my corner.
ReplyDeleteAll of the kids need access to the condoms - not just the boy!
ReplyDeleteAh, the optimism of the condom.
ReplyDelete:-)
Pearl
Oh, how I want to hold those chubby little hands.
ReplyDeleteBut my youngest is away at college in Milwaukee, and my oldest is moving to Charleston this week.
The best I can hope for, back here in Ohio, is an occasional Skyping session...
Appreciate what you can, while you can.
I'm so jazzed to hear about your growing kids. My own have become Young Adults as well, and I'm on the verge of tears thinking about how proud I am of who they've become. I suspect you feel something along those lines as your own brood take control of their lives.
ReplyDelete