Monday, November 28, 2011


Over the holiday, the manuscript turned into a rewrite which was not all right because I wanted to be done, but then yesterday the answer about my main character appeared out of the steam as I ironed Nate's white button down.

Good thing I remembered to put the iron down. That's his only white oxford shirt. I gripped the side of the ironing board in something close to ecstasy. Gross, I know. But listen, you take your shots where you can get them. I'm just sorry Nate's shirt had to bear witness to the moaning and thrashing about.

Now I'm going to finish this fucker. I've got the bracelet and I'm wearing it. By wearing it, I am accountable to Amy, Teri (who came up with the bracelet idea), Sherry, Lyra, Averil, DebMacDougal Street BabyErika, Bobbi, Laura, Cat, Suzy, and the rest of the creative people who make up this ad hoc writers' group that found each other making smart remarks here.

And it's because of you guys, the reader of this blog, who've urged me on and provided all kinds of creative support.

And a special thanks to the beta readers. I handed you a fairly unfinished mess and you gave me the kind of feedback that has not only made the story more time and location authentic, but it also gave me some ideas for plot lines. And? You were all so incredibly kind about it. Not a one of you sent me back a pile of ashes or hate mail. I love you for that.

Now on to the reason I've called this meeting. It seems I've gained a new blogging niche. How I'm to parlay this into mega advertising dollars or finesse it onto my moldering resume is anyone's guess, but it's something to be able to say that my blog is huge in Canada, Europe and Asia among those seeking FAIL photos. Or fotos as one googler put it.

Click the image to see the gory details.
People from Luxembourg, Belgium, Ottawa, France, Switzerland, Romania, Quebec, Tunisia (Africa, represent!), The Czech Republic, Sweden, Slovenia, Holland, Italy, Denmark, Thailand, Slovakia, Turkey, Montreal, Poland, Germany, even Mexico, they're all searching for FAIL and finding me.

I'm not sure I like how that sounds. Let try again. They're landing on this post, but really they're looking for the photos on it. And they're particularly interested in the hairy guy.

I wonder if he knows how sought after he is. Then again, maybe this gets filed under blissful ignorance.

Tell me about your holiday. Good? Indifferent? Bad? Fistfights? Did you eat too much, drink too much, tell your Uncle Jeb to get stuffed? Pumpkin pie or pecan? What did you do with the sweet potatoes?


  1. Maybe I should get this "statcounter".

    According to the Great Gazoogle, my top search words are always "Applebees", "Lucky Charms", "Tony the Tiger", and such as.

    Boring! I just need another opinion, right?

  2. Like my current WIP, from which I flipped because writers block is making me feel like a total douchebag to think I could ever do this whole writing thing, the holiday was a jumbled-up, crumbled-up mess. Two sick children, one each on different days. Including Thanksgiving itself, which rescued me from having to deal with my mother-in-law whose repeated mantra of "I just don't understand" covers a multitude of subjects.

    I took in comments from alpha readers, cut a thousand words and completely redid the ending of a short story and emailed it to three literary journals, because I hate myself and am looking forward to the rejection letters, hearing the laughter of the pretty girls in junior high when I asked them to dance as I read them.

    What else? Got the Christmas decorations started, including cutting down a tree and stuffing it in our living room. My wife has six stitches in the back of her right hand, thanks to cheap drinking classes.

    And I missed reading you. . .

  3. I'm sorry to hear about a lot of the extra work but I know your novel is going to rock!

    As for the FAIL searches, what is with people?

  4. Always, always pumpkin pie. Always!

    I definitely ate too much (see earlier reference to: pie) but overall it was a fairly quiet holiday. No major fails that I know of. But I'll let you know for sure after I look up the most popular search terms that lead back to my blog. In the past, I've had more success with "shame" and "sobbing" so we'll see.

  5. HOORAY! I'm happy your back on track with your novel & that Nate's only white oxford shirt didn't get ruined!

  6. Gee, Nancy Pelosi Boobs are suddenly passe? Damn short attention span kids they better not show up on your Famous Author National Book Tour or I'll pelt them instead of you with tomatoes.

    Answers: no, yes, no, no, no, pumpkin, ate them.

  7. Thunder - not boring? Wholesome.

    G - You're very kind to me. And all the rest that I emailed you. xo

    Susan - Thank you again and no being sorry! I'm sorry I gave you such a hot mess to try to read. When you see the finished manuscript, you'll see your input.

    Laura - I bet we could fix it so that you get people searching for "sobbing into their pumpkin pie."

    Meleah - Thanks! It feels great to have the issue sorted out. And an ironed shirt.

    Randal - Thank you for being so thorough in your response. And I KNOW! Poor former Speaker Pelosi. Just a footnote in my blog archives now. Sigh.

  8. Woohoo!!

    So tell me more about this ironing secret? Do I have to actually iron to get the vision in the steam? Is this similar to the native american vision in the desert? Was fasting involved?

    Looking For An Ending By Any Means Necessary

  9. Rock on!

    Yes, FTF indeed. Love that.

    Thanksgiving was great! Muppets! Pie! Tofurky!

  10. I've been way too absent, and I've missed you.
    The holiday was peaceful. The girls went to TX to see my family, and it was just 3 of us. Pecan pie, no sweet potatoes this year. I worked all weekend, B&N was fairly busy but not crazy.
    So happy for you...and your moment!

  11. I'm so proud of you!!!!!! Keep that energy flowing, even if it means ironing the whole damn household's clothing!

  12. Of course he knows. Why do you think he posed for the photo?

  13. Lisa h, i don't know what any of this fail thing means but i had a terrific thanksgiving thank you, and i trust u did too. glad you are back on the horse. continue...

  14. That was hilarious. I'm sure I've seen that hairy guy in a bar in town.
    Will someone send me a pumpkin pie recipe before they go out of season?

  15. So glad you've had The Epiphany. I'm waiting for one of those, myself.

    I drank far too much wine at Thanksgiving, though not enough to tell my mother's boyfriend to shut the fuck up, much as I wanted to. At Christmas, I vow to drink either more wine or less, and tip it over one edge or the other.

  16. Always pumpkin, my favorite. It's unbelievable, but I did not overeat and actually LOST weight over Thanksgiving. I know! Woo hoo! A 2-3 mile walk every day and a 5 mile hike through the woods might have had a bit to do with it.

    I am so glad you had the enlightened ironing experience! I love when that happens (minus the iron, of course). Congrats!

  17. People find me either through peanut butter fudge OR sexy booty.
    Odd, I know. :)


  18. The number one way people find my blog (mostly from other countries as well) is by googling "girl on toilet."

    This is the world in which we live.

    Lisa, congratulations on your ironing epiphany. Inspiration often comes while doing. I'm thrilled for you, and keep wearing that bracelet!!

  19. Glad to hear you ironed yourself out of the corner. What a great remedy to painting oneself in.

    Our holiday was very low key, with very little annoyance leaking in from the world at large. We unpacked a bit, decorated for Christmas, had pancakes. Andrew read improving books and I read popular fiction. The children started in on their Christmas books, which they haven't seen in months.

  20. I sometimes wonder what makes certain people visit my blog. I shold probably get the Stat Counter to see what kind of weird searches they're doing.

    We have some American friends who sometimes invite us to a real Thaksgiving party, but Thanksgiving is not a tradition over here. We have something called Thanksgiving Mass in church, in September I think, but I'm not a frequent visitor of our churches.

  21. We had pumpkin pie and Espresso Cake (a.k.a. World Peace Cake), compliments of one of my friends.

    Our Sweet potatoes were boiled, sliced and glazed, and no one was told to screw off. My friend, due to lack of sleep, came precariously close to a nervous breakdown.

  22. I especially liked the search for 'walk through the corn leading down to the river'. Talk about strange interests.

    Since Thanksgiving here is celebrated on a random Monday round about Columbus Day it's a fairly boring Canadian holiday - then again, this is Halifax, not what you'd call a center of cultural interest unless you go for clamming.

    I'm looking forward to the next version of your novel. FTF, indeed.

  23. YAY for your Editgasm!!! Love that you know where to go and good luck on execution!

    I fell off my chair at your comment about all those people searching for fail and finding you. I get found when Russians search for hairy men. (and I've only EVER posted about hair men, once). Very mysterious, those stat counters...

  24. You are awesome :0)

    I'm rewriting a fantasy book; oh how I wish I'd find some answers too!

    Those "fail" pictures are soooo funny.

  25. Hmm.

    I have no idea what words are used to find me... I'm a little worried about my lack of curiosity, too.

    'Cause that's what I did over the Thanksgiving holiday: drank my curiosity into submission.



  26. I ate too much, twice in one day and then again the next! Oh well :)

  27. We had Dutch apple pie, for a change, and very nice, too. (burp) The sweet potatoes were pre-dessert dessert.

    Yay you! for finishing your novel, and I hope I get to read it.

    According to my statmeter, searches when they happen are on variations on the blog title, which is boring but means that people who find themselves at the blog are not looking for Justin Bieber or stuff like that.

  28. I am catching up on my blog reading, and glad to know you're out of your slump.

    I am, however, concerned about your preoccupation with ironing. Are you unfamiliar with Permanent Press or with Wash-and-Wear?

    When I got divorced, the first thing I told my ex he could take was the iron. I've lived without one--comfortably--ever since.

  29. Those stat counters, they're evil you know. Yours is laughing at you, mocking you.

    Finish the fucker. That's what I say!


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