Monday, October 13, 2014

Creep


Thanks to those of you who commented or emailed me. I appreciate your kind, thoughtful words. I spent two days considering what platform to use for the new blog before it hit me. This blog, with the invitation only setting, is the place where I can write what I want - when and how, without upsetting anyone.

So here I will remain. When/If I decide to make this blog public again, I'll revert the possibly offensive posts back to drafts and all will be right with the world. Or something like that.

Not writing has been so stifling that I fear that the next few weeks of words will be a deluge. Blogging was once my lifeline. That sounds dramatic but I can't even describe what I gained from putting my words together and hitting publish back in the days when I was home alone, unemployed and wondering how my life had reached that point.

My writing slowed when I got a job and it became apparent that blogging could be a liability there and, to make matters worse, my brain reached a calm, flat place as a result of anti-depressants that did what they were supposed to do if not fucking feeling anything was their purpose.

And then things went twenty different kinds of wrong and I was too ashamed to write about things with the emotional honesty I'd once tried to maintain. The combination of internal and external shame made it progressively harder to write and the longer I went without writing, the more difficult it became to start again.

So about that idea of pretending we don't know each other? Scratch that. But be prepared to not like me, if you ever did, because some of the things I'm going to write about will probably make you question my character. It's something I've done quite a bit of over the last two years and I would be surprised if you don't have the same reactions I've had to my antics. In fact, I'd question your character if you weren't questioning mine.

So now that I've hung us on that hook, deep breath.......

 

9 comments:

  1. This post explains a lot about what happened to your blogs. I have witnessed what anti-depressants can do to people. Some can go from being wired and a perfectionist to having a who cares attitude. I hope you reach a balance in your life.

    I noticed your Politits blog is invite only. Have you started doing political posts on it?? And/or your humorous posts like in days of old??

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    1. Kulkuri: I'm not writing at PoliTits these days. Blogger must have made it private along with this and all my other blogs.

      Delete
  2. After eight plus years you'd think I'd know enough about these things to be able to figure out if the fact I was able to read this right away means I'm already invited or if on some future day I'll have access to a secret password. Whatever the case, I say go right ahead and write what you please. Let your hair down if it isn't down already. Let's get down :) and feel free to talk about the stupid things we've done. Of course it's going to be hard for me to criticize or pass any judgments. By the time anybody gets to my age there had better be a few regrets or one just hasn't spent enough time mulling over one's actions.

    You write really well, Lisa. No matter what you say or what you confess to having done (or not done) I, for one, am still going to count you among my closest friends. If you need a smaller forum for a while then I'll be happy to remain one of the friends who drops by to visit.

    ps: We did finally get around to watching Foyle's War. Honeysuckle was our favorite and much of the time the only reason we continued.

    pps: Is that a selfie? Are you wearing clothes?

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    1. susan: Once again I started an email to you and then left it hanging in draft mode. I am so lame.

      As if I need more encouragement to let my hair down? Would you believe I actually got my hair cut? I'm all about the change, it seems.

      I'm so glad you're sticking with me. And that you watched Foyle's War. I'm a huge fan of Honeysuckle Weeks. That Sam Stewart is so appealing.

      And yes, that's a selfie, fully clothed. Funny you should mention that. What is is about that photo, I wonder? The Electrician found it to be unsettling when I used it on FB as my profile.

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    2. Sam was very fetching, yes. Foyle himself was a bit too glum for my taste, but the show was great while the war was ongoing.

      Could it have been because it makes you look a little dangerous? Did he have reason to worry?

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  3. I wanted more from Christopher Foyle. He was so closed off, but I do love the show.

    You may have hit the idea squarely. I think I look vulnerable. His real issue was that he was convinced I'd snapped the photo while lying in another man's bed. Not true. It was a sofa. My mother's.

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  4. thanks so much for the invite, dear Lisa. You write your heart out, girl! I think I first encountered your wit and wisdom about six years ago. I have lots of catching up to do! Much healing to you xoxoxo

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  5. I missed you, and you took this Invitation only so quickly that I never managed to finish the comment on the (formerly) last post. /kvetch

    I hope this means I'm Invited.

    "The combination of internal and external shame made it progressively harder to write and the longer I went without writing, the more difficult it became to start again." *sigh* Yeah. That. Just washed that t-shirt, too.

    Glad to see you, though; I missed you.

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And then you say....

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