Creep

Thanks to those of you who commented or emailed me. I appreciate your kind, thoughtful words. I spent two days considering what platform to use for the new blog before it hit me. This blog, with the invitation only setting, is the place where I can write what I want - when and how, without upsetting anyone.

So here I will remain. When/If I decide to make this blog public again, I'll revert the possibly offensive posts back to drafts and all will be right with the world. Or something like that.

Not writing has been so stifling that I fear that the next few weeks of words will be a deluge. Blogging was once my lifeline. That sounds dramatic but I can't even describe what I gained from putting my words together and hitting publish back in the days when I was home alone, unemployed and wondering how my life had reached that point.

My writing slowed when I got a job and it became apparent that blogging could be a liability there and, to make matters worse, my brain reached a calm, flat place as a result of anti-depressants that did what they were supposed to do if not fucking feeling anything was their purpose.

And then things went twenty different kinds of wrong and I was too ashamed to write about things with the emotional honesty I'd once tried to maintain. The combination of internal and external shame made it progressively harder to write and the longer I went without writing, the more difficult it became to start again.

So about that idea of pretending we don't know each other? Scratch that. But be prepared to not like me, if you ever did, because some of the things I'm going to write about will probably make you question my character. It's something I've done quite a bit of over the last two years and I would be surprised if you don't have the same reactions I've had to my antics. In fact, I'd question your character if you weren't questioning mine.

So now that I've hung us on that hook, deep breath.......