Friday, October 10, 2014

I'm an arrow in a bow




I once found solace in writing. Even when I was penning my most ridiculous posts, I felt a sense of peace. Now writing is a source of discomfort. It's a reminder that what once fueled my words is gone-ish and how things have changed and how the very act of writing itself has become a source of mild conflict and shame.

Life is so different now. The people (Mathman and the children) and cats, I once relied upon for material aren't part of my daily life. Being a mostly solitary creature leaves me with little to write about. I'm so bored with myself I can't stir up enough mental dust to pound the keys.

Hang on a minute. That's a lie. A dirty, rotten lie.

The truth is life is ridiculously interesting and churning these days. So why am I not writing?

For one thing, I'm out of the habit. Recognizing that precious few people really give a fig about the minutia of my life, I still miss the habit of sitting down every day and trying to find something meaningful or funny to write about. I am so out of the habit that I finished the previous sentence with a preposition.

The second reason is because the cast of characters has changed and some of them are strongly opposed to being part of this blog. I can't say I blame them. We can all agree that I use my writing as a weapon from time to time.

The third reason is that more people who know me outside of writing come here now. The anonymity I once felt has disappeared, and I find myself quite reluctant to go out on the limbs from whence I once swung. (Look ma! No sentence-ending preposition!)

Here are my options as I see them:

1.Write anonymously and express myself however I want about whatever I want.
2. Write the way I always have and hope that the new characters get used to being captured here like moths on a straight pins.
3. Learn how to be more creative and stop drawing so much from life and spend more time writing fiction.

That last one, while appealing, isn't really possible. Blogging has always been, for me, a sort of journal keeping. I'm not sure I want to abandon that kind of writing.

I'm leaning toward writing anonymously so that I can do what I need to do with my writing. I've always used it as cheap therapy and goodness knows I could use much more of that now. (See above about the churning.)

Actually, there is a fourth option. I can continue to draw from life and write in a way that is both creative and at least somewhat sensitive to the people in my life. This sounds good, too, but it will lead to so much more not writing so no.

I'm going to write anonymously for a while. It's what I need because life is about to change again and I'm going to be even more solitary than I was before. There will be days when writing is the only contact I have with the outside world. Not that that is an all around bad thing.

If you want to find me, please email me at lisahgolden@gmail.com and I will send you the link to the new place where I'll be writing.

I'm also going to keep this blog and may post here, too, but for now, let's pretend we don't now each other, shall we?

Thanks to all of you who have been here to read and to share in the goofiness. You're all gems.

Here's to new old things.

 xoxo

Lisa






6 comments:

  1. I have this half-baked theory, stolen from astrology and paganism, that there is something special about the period of time that is *7 years* ... I started blogging 7 years ago and now I am totally different than I was then. I still get angry comments about stuff I don't even believe anymore, LOL.

    Perhaps it takes 7 years for us to transform into our next life phase? Origin of "7 year itch" and so on? Must be something to this bromide, since I notice lots of blogs tend to fold up right at the 7 year mark.. (BTW, Google reader is going the way of the dinosaur, so you might want to correct your archive link.)

    In short, this comment is a half hearted attempt at saying, YEAH, I can dig it, as we used to say. I am now coming to a happy medium of sorts, blogging on my "main blog" whenever I want to actually SAY something... but when i want to be a yappy dog and snap and be snarky and reblog photos of Liz and cats, I go to Tumblr. Its an interesting division of labor. TWITTER is for keeping up with breaking events... checking out Twitter comments during the Emmy/Oscar awards and such (i.e. "WTF is he WEARING? OMG!") can be a hoot. I loved the Downton Abbey tweets almost as much as the show itself.

    But yeah, I hear you. I recently had a trauma I could not share online, since it was primarily about someone else's life and they didn't want to share. (sigh) Its awfully hard to be quiet when you need to yell, you know?

    I am on FB, and I think we are connected there.. let me know where you end up blogging again! :) Best wishes always.

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  2. I totally understand. I had been cheerfully saying whatever I felt like for quite a while and then people I had never considered would ever read my blog began mentioning to my face (as in OMG IRL) stuff I had mixed feelings about some people seeing. It hit me then that I'd lost my space to vent without consequences. I now blog on another site, too, but am not sharing that information much. There are times when a person really needs some anonymity and the freedom to bitch without having to worry about which of the relatives/spawn/old friends/co-workers is going to get pissed.

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  3. I've been around here for quite awhile and while I hate 'good bye's' I do understand the need for them. I hope you will drop in when the political season heats us just for old times sake. Best wishes to you Lisa.

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  4. You know I want to continue and you also know how to find me. I'll be there.

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  5. I have been struggling with this exact same thing for the past couple years. There was a magic, an inspiration in a heyday of blogging (community) for me that has mostly vanished though online friendships that are distant remain. Sometimes, I wonder if my dissatisfaction and making light of it was my muse. Whatever it is, I want to recapture it at times, though I have changed too much for me to want it to be exactly as it was. Something like Daisy is saying in her comment. I know I want to write things that are more substantial, but then I don't. I even wrote olde school in a notebook for a couple weeks, but none of it is sustained like it was before. Hook me up if you want to collaborate and plan something together. I think we share part of our brains. I miss you and HBD!! xoxo

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  6. Lisa,

    I'm glad to see you writing again. You do have a gift.

    Much love,

    Tengrain

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