Light a clove cigarette given to me as a gift for performing a wedding.*
Click the bookmark for an archive of MTV's 102 Minutes.
Select Fadeaway by the Bodeans and listen. LISTEN.
Lean back in my broken down office chair and think about my ex-husband. The one I met at a Bodeans concert at Jakes in Bloomington, Indiana, in October 1987.
No longer together, but still friends of a sort, we share three adult children and two grandchildren. I'm now married to another - a good man who has loved me longer than I can imagine. My ex is in a committed relationship with a woman with whom he has so much more in common than he ever had with me.
Consider if you will what relationships are like when you are more or less fully formed. Adult. Mostly finished with the messy beginnings of adulthood.
Consider contentment. What an underrated emotion when you're 25, 30, 35....
Smoke that cigarette down to the filter because this kind of procrastination feels so damn good.
Let the Bodeans songs roll one into another on YouTube.
See that I can still blow smoke rings. Listen to another song that takes me to the streets of Chicago as I walk to my first office job, Walkman earphones wrecking my hair and so what? It's all ahead of me. That first job lead to a career in which I'm still working.
Note that to really hurt my feelings I should go look at the childhood photos of our children. But not today. I remember why I'm sitting at this desk and there's work to do.
*The wedding is tomorrow. They also got me a pipe, but that's a story for another day.