Intransigent

Photo: Lisa Golden (has nothing to do with post)

Last night MathMan and I went to bed with the TV on. Before we turned on the Foyle's War DVD, we'd been watching MSNBC and listening to the day's political spin.

As I listened to the cadence of words, the repetition of phrases, I thought about Sherry's post at A Feather Adrift. She pointed out a couple of new buzz phrases that have become part of the conversational stew surrounding the U.S. budget, the debt ceiling and the deficit.

The American People.

Job creators.

There is no American People the way it's used by politicians. Hell, you can't even get The American People to agree on Coke or Pepsi, but if you ask politicians why they're doing something, they'll you that The American People sent them to Washington to do xyz. What they should say is that they won an election and now they're going to carry out the wishes of their donors while pretending to give two shits about what the people who elected them want them to do.

The phrase job creators is the perfect illustration of this. Republicans are using the phrase to cover the entire spectrum of business and the wealthy. Big business and small. Job Creators is code for People on whom we will not raise taxes.

The people they're referring to don't actually create jobs in any meaningful way. Tax cuts don't create jobs. Demand creates jobs. You can give businesses all the tax breaks in the world, you can hand them massive tax refund checks (which is a transfer of money from the taxpayer to the corporation in case you didn't realize that) and they still aren't going to create jobs if there isn't a critical mass of consumers who want and can buy their services or goods because they have money with which to buy those goods and services.

We've tried this tax cut experiment for over ten years and it's failed. The proof is in the unemployment line.

Source: Think Progress

By the end of the day yesterday, it became clear that another word had burrowed into the DNA of the American political lexicon. I really wish that we had some sort of app that could identify which talking head was the first to use it in the current context. Now that's the kind of app that could entice me to buy a smartphone.

The word?

Intransigent.

There it is all over the television. There the word is, too, on my wall, smack in the middle of the list of adjectives I have taped next to my desk.

Intransigent. Intransigence. The words are being used to describe Republicans who are unwilling to compromise.

In today's political atmosphere, the word compromise no longer carries the air of maturity, but rather it's spat out as it's own euphemism. Only bed-wetting liberal pantywaists compromise. Pussies compromise. Real men, real Americans don't compromise. The American People don't want compromise. They're busy hollering yeehaw while riding their rugged individualist lawnmowers.

I zeroed in on this word and became obsessed with it because unlike Job Creators and The American People, this word is accurate. It's not code. It's reality. Republicans have dug in on the subject of taxes. They'll tell you that they're carrying out the will of The American People who know that the The Job Creators need to pay lower taxes so they can create jobs and that we need to cut government spending and cut taxes because taxes and Big Government are the problem.

Or shorter: We're all Grover Norquist now!!!

See how that works?

I'd been drinking and that brought everything into focus like when you suddenly notice the veins in your hands look like rivers on a map. "When we wake up in the morning and turn on the TV, let's see how long it takes for someone to use the word intransigent on Morning Joe," I said, mashing my pillow into place.

When I'm happily alcohol softened, MathMan justs lets me talk. "Okay," he said. He probably just wanted to get laid.

As I fell asleep, I pontificated on the Balanced Budget Amendment. "That's like if your car breaks down and you quit your job because you can't get there and you can't get there because you won't raise revenue to fix your car."

Then everything went black.

The alarm went off at 6:10a.m. I opened my eyes, assessed my level of hangover. Nothing. Excellent. I reached for the remote, pushed the power button and glanced at the clock next to me. 6:11. MathMan bailed out of the bed and headed to the shower.

"blah, blah, blah, instransigent....." said Pat Buchanan to the roundtable on Morning Joe.

"One minute! It took one minute!" I laughed and threw the covers back. I was free to get on with my day.

What are your favorite political phrases, euphemisms, codes?

Unemployment Diary: Burn it down boys

Source

Americans are divided by what they believe is the appropriate size and role of government. Conservatives, not true conservatives, but people who watch Fox News and vote Republican, believe that Democrats, liberals, and progressives (Aren't they all the same thing? No.) want a big, meddlesome government that snatches most of your money in taxes and micromanages the lives of Americans and business like I micromanage the Pussies for Peace at mealtime. They also believe that they (PWWFNAFR) are voting for small government that allows Americans mind blowing freedoms so vast that we can be a regulation-free, tax-free heaven on earth if only government (always the problem) would just stay out of the lives of Americans and corporations and stop stealing their money.

Except neither is true. Instead of focusing on legislation that would provide the needed carrots and sticks to persuade business to create jobs or doing something big and audacious like the works program from the 30s, Republicans in Congress and in any number of state legislatures are wasting taxpayer money meddling in the uteri and sex lives of its citizens and debating whether adults should be able to buy alcohol on Sunday.

The only demographic enjoying small government is big business and they enjoy the pleasures of having their diamond fruitcake and fucking it, too. Government stays out of their way long enough to allow them to amass huge fortunes through sketchy business practices and when that scheme blows up, they turn to Daddy government to cover their tab all the while declaring their ability to handle continuing lack of oversight because this mess wasn't really their fault anyway. It was those awful consumers who caused the world economy's meltdown. Buying big houses and shit they didn't need. The nerve. Not that anyone profited from that spending spree. Oh no.

So smaller government means smaller for business, but not just business, but specifically big business. What's good for them isn't always good for small business as anyone struggling to get credit for their business can tell you. But smaller government as defined by current Republican leadership also means that individual freedoms are curtailed unless it comes to taxes. But even that is a big lie. We cut taxes for the top and the problems become local. Local governments raise fees and lay people off to cover their nut. Yes, the government has shrunk but so has its ability to deliver services and so has the number of employed people in your community. So far no business - big or small - has rushed in to most places to fill the gaps.

But here's a way in which yes, I admit, I want a bigger government. I want a government that sees something wrong and uses the tax dollars to help people and to shape society into something better.

On the state's department of labor website, there's a job posting for an on-site housekeeper that (1) Required the person to live at the hotel/motel/Holiday Inn* (say what?); (2) Paid minimum wage $7.25; and (3) Would deduct the employee's weekly rent from their paycheck.

Again, say what?

A little quick math.

Assumptions: The lucky person who gets that job works 40 hours per week, claims one deduction for state and federal and gets paid weekly. He or she (most likely she) will net $247 per week.

Now, let's say that her weekly rent for the room is $100. That leaves her with $147 per week on which to live. Sounds okay, right? She doesn't have to pay for her utilities because that would be covered by her rent at the hotel/motel. Fine. But let's look at this monthly. She has $588 a month with which to pay for the following:
Food and her personal care and laundry items (she can't steal soap, shampoo and detergent from her parsimonious employers, can she?)
Quarters for her laundry
Car payment, if she has one
Auto insurance
Gasoline
Health insurance & doctor visit copays
Dental care
Savings
Phone bill
Tithing
Incidentals

That $588 is stretched. I can't even fathom what it costs for an individual to buy medical insurance these days. Let's hope she's healthy and without any pre-existing conditions. And I included tithing because people here consider religion a vital part of their lives.

So getting back to the government. This job is posted on a state website that is monitored by state employees. Here's what I want from my government in this regard:

Pick up the phone and say to that employer in the sweetest voice you can muster "Hell no, this is bullshit, this is not Dickens' England, are you fucking kidding me? We're trying to get people to earn living wages, not slave wages. How can this person help stimulate the economy, thus creating demand which creates more jobs, if they don't have enough money in their pocket for the essentials, much less disposable income? Really - are you fucking kidding me? If you're going to require the employee to live on-site then you should provide free housing, free use of the laundry and a written contract that outlines their hours and overtime. And once more - are you fucking kidding me?"

That's what I want. I want a government that is looking out for us, too, not just the corporations who that have the stated goal of making the most profit possible no matter what. In fact, it's because that's their mission, and I don't blame them or fault them for that, but that's exactly why we need government to regulate them, to look out for the individual, to make certain that we aren't going back to the old days of the company store and company housing. It's enough to be beholden for your income and health insurance, but to be at the mercy of employers for housing, too? Bad idea.

Now that imagined conversation goes against my preferred method of catching more flies with honey than vinegar (sorry, vinegar, in this case you lose), but I am willing to set aside my pseudo-Southern charm and passive aggression long enough to clap that ballsy employer around the earhole.

Because here's the thing - that employee who is putting in full time hours (likely more without overtime pay) and playing by the rules is still going to require government assistance for things like health care. She'd possibly qualify for Medicaid here in Georgia. So the taxpayer is subsidizing this employer who gets off the medical insurance hook.

That's the kind of taxpayer and employee abuse that I think government should put a stop to. An employee must make a living wage and taxpayers shouldn't have to subsidize employers through the backdoor. We need regulation because employers use these kinds of methods for increasing their profits. And it flies in the face of what's good for our society as a whole. There's no escaping the fact that the quickest way to create jobs is to create demand for goods and services. Put money in the hands of the people who will spend it et voila! We want! We need! Here, take our money! Continue to concentrate the money in the hands of the few and well.....(looks around, shrugs).....this is working out well for the top 1%. Yes, yes, but the wealthy will invest! Uh huh. So where's the evidence that that idea is working out?

Sadly, instead of creating incentives (a stick, not just a carrot is needed) for business to pay living wages and put some money into the hands of the many (who will spend it), our government is rigged through a pay for play campaign system to protect the needs of the few.

As that famous philosopher Spock said, "We're fucked."

I do understand that businesses have to keep their payroll low in order to stay afloat, but there are also basic human rights that must be honored. And since business - small or large - can show spectacular displays of being incapable of doing this, government must step in.

For those of you wondering, no I didn't apply for the job. I'm not qualified. Another neato thing employers are doing is upping the experience requirements for any and all jobs. You want to know why someone like me just can't go out and find any old job? Well, that lulu of a position requires that you have a minimum of twelve months of housekeeping experience and they expressly note that cleaning your own house doesn't count.

Right - because snaking drains, making old, cheap faucets shine and learning how to remove cat vomit stains from carpet and red Georgia clay from white baseball pants aren't transferable skills.

*Not a Holiday Inn for real. At least as far as I know.

A million workers working for nothing

Source

Dear Midwestern States,

I am with you. We can be serfs or citizens. We can't be both.

Peace, love and power to The People,

Lisa

Unemployment Diary: My Pledge to You

Dear Potential Employers:

It's been brought to my attention by the counselor at the Department of Labor that my resume may be a problem for you because it contains titles such as Executive Director and Vice President and the things I've listed under accomplishments and duties make you itch with anxiety and your eyes cross with boredom. Contrary to what those liars in the college employment placement office told me in 1989, you are not dazzled by my transferable skills and upward career trajectory as illustrated by the job titles beginning with secretary (1989) and ending with Vice President, Programs and Services (2009). In other words, my resume intimidates you or causes you assume that I'm only applying for your job because I am desperate.

Now that's a pity because I am desperate. As in you can smell it on me if you get too close.

Because life is full of paradoxes, people who will counsel me to sanitize my resume of high falutin' words and dastardly deeds like creating budgets, managing volunteers and staff, developing marketing plans or serving as the chief staff of a small organization (read: guide the Board of Directors to do what you want, but make them think it's their idea) think that I'm not smart enough to know that I should have multiple versions of my resume, each targeted for specific industries, fields, and levels of employment, I've been advised to once again revisit my self-promotional material to see if perhaps it can be whittled and reworked in order to make you think that I didn't work for nearly twenty years to get promotions, better pay and better titles.

Well now that leaves me with some interesting choices, doesn't it? The last time I held a secretarial job was in 1995 and even then it had the fancy title of Administrative Coordinator or some such nonsense and paid more than most of the jobs I see listed today. Plus it had killer benefits. So how do I explain what I've been doing for the last sixteen years?  Okay, the last year is easy - job hunting, bitching about job hunting, cleaning, living on the dole, writing things to shove into a pile under my bed, taking pictures of birdies and pussy cats, reading and more recently couponing which I now like to call Hunting and Gathering. But what about the years 1996 - 2009? How do I rework the pain and pleasure of those jobs which ultimately led me to Georgia, the running of a small organization and the path to ruin also known as my last job?

Oh, hang on. Potential employers don't appreciate negativity, do they? Fine. Let me worry about how to fix my absurd problem of having played by the rules, climbed the ladder and achieved some career success. I'll just take out my magic Sharpie et voila! I've always been a secretary/administrative assistant/customer service associate/waitress/barista/sales associate/other duties as assigned doer.

Because in reality, I was. Not just as a mother and wife, but in my former paid jobs, not only did I do the big, important, if you fuck this up, we're going to have expensive problems kinds of things, but I also cleared the table of food debris after Board meetings, ordered lunches, planned meetings and parties, wrestled with the copier, crawled around on the floor hooking up technology, packed and lugged boxes, made love to the postage meter, cleaned out storerooms, answered phones with a smile in my voice, created and maintained hardcopy and database files, kept multiple calendars, made travel arrangements for myself and others, submitted expenses, stuffed envelopes, designed newsletters, drove my boss to the airport, and ruined many a manicure inputting reams of data entry. Because when you work in an office of two or three or five people, you pretty much have to do it all at some point. We didn't have People for that. We were the People.

As for other duties as assigned, I've even written about how I'm willing to go above and beyond. You can expect topnotch effort and creativity from me and that includes Breaking and Entering on Your Behalf and Teaching You How to Use Urban Dictionary and Other Swell Things to Make You Appear Hip. If you will only give me a chance, that is.

After careful consideration, I've decided that all future resumes and pleas applications for employment will contain the following pledge (places hand on stack of books made up of a Gregg Shorthand Manual, The American Heritage College dic-tion-ar-ry, three manila folders, a generic employee handbook and a daily planner circa 2003 that came free from a marketing firm):

I, Lisa Golden, do solemnly swear to be an honest and faithful employee, willing to carry out the simplest and most complex duties assigned by you, The Employer, with a professionally cheerful demeanor, a minimum of supervision, a maximum of customer satisfaction, no questions about work conditions or rules, no sniping about salary or benefits or lack thereof, no comment about your tie choices, shoes or taste in movies, no eye rolling or heavy sighs, no passive aggressive references to your lack of intelligence, no use of sarcasm, humor - ill or otherwise, or large words. I vow to never utter the words "Well, in my last position" nor to ever mention that I once made more money or held a higher position than my current one or yours for that matter. 


I pledge complete loyalty to you and the organization for which you stand or sit in that fine leather manager's chair and to complete all tasks to the best of my ability without dragging with me into the workplace any personal issues and needs, any reminders that I might have ideas of getting up in the world or any need for vacation, sick or family leave days. I will not litter my workspace with personal items or reminders that I have a life outside of work. I will never make a suggestion about how to do things better unless expressly asked by you or your superior, at which point I will offer the most obsequious (sorry about that big word, it means boot-licking) answer, repeating the phrase "Well, as (your name here) suggested" first.When it is just you and me, I will make you feel comfortable in taking my ideas as your own because, as any employee worth her White Out knows, your success is my success and any and all good things coming to you will eventually trickle down to me.


Finally, you have my assurances that even though I've had better paying jobs with fancier titles, I will not bail out on you at the first sign of an economic recovery. I've learned my lesson about changing jobs for better opportunities. I am here for the duration. You own me. I know how lucky I am to have this job. And if you find that you must, at some point, let me go due to economic factors outside your control or because you must slash payroll to make a larger bonus, you can be confident that I will not leave in a blaze of poo smeared file folders and angry emails to vendors and customers. I will stay as long as you need me and create as smooth a transition as I can for the person who will be doing my job after I'm gone.


So help me, Todd. I do. Amen?

And now that I've made my pledge, please allow me to address some things that might be obstacles to my employment as far as you're concerned.

1. The credit check. While I understand that it's important for people like bank tellers and bookkeepers to have clean credit and no reason to embezzle to pay off their debts, I find this new wrinkle in employment requirements unnecessary. It is a new day. It's not bankruptcy, it's a government bailout trickling down. We gave taxpayer money to the banks to cover their bad debts. I paid my Chapter 13 bad debts as long as I had a job. After that, it became impossible to pay the monthly bill. Ergo, the banks got most of the money owed to them plus the car and the house which was how the deal worked. That's called a secured loan because it has collateral that can be repossessed by the lender. Neato, huh?

Understanding this weakness in my personal financial history, I've shown the good sense to not apply for jobs in finance, banking and bookkeeping. Now you show the good sense to stop using credit checks to weed out good potential employees who've been swept aside in this mess of an economy.

2. Those advertising that Unemployed Need Not Apply. This isn't unemployed. This is learning new skills. With my new stockpiling skills, just think what I can do for your office supplies line item. Hand me that Staples catalog and watch me make magic happen. Phone bill too high? I've got tin cans and string. You can save money and go green at the same time. What are you paying for that water cooler?  Your staff can have that some sharing time carrying buckets of water up from the industrial park's retention pond as they get from standing around the Crystal Springs bubbler.

Hey, maybe I should become a consultant and charge three times as much as you would pay me!``

3. My former salary. As I told the woman at the Department of Labor, of course I'm willing to work for ten, twenty, thirty thousand dollars less than I used to make. Who wouldn't want a deal like that? It's exactly why I went to college, worked my ass off for almost twenty years, left my kids in the care of others, took on extra duties to earn promotions, traded off salary for title, worked for no insurance benefits and no pension or 401K because my former employers were cheapskates and wanted to pay me about 1/4 less than a man would make for the same job and tried to make me feel guilty for asking for more money.

This is me dangling over the barrel. Do I look like I'm in a position to negotiate?

4. Moving to where the jobs are. While the kids would be delighted to be uprooted again and MathMan can afford to leave his megabucks generating scam as a math teacher, this isn't really a viable option. Employers understand this economy all too well. Just try finding a position that offers moving expenses these days. Besides, we got rid of our snow shovels when we moved to Georgia. Not only would I have to pay to move us and our stuff, I'd have to buy snow shovels and Snow Melt again.

5. Isn't it time for you to retrain to be something else? Oh sure, I like to think about how my future in auto or diesel would be sweet like crude oil, but we've been over this. As I like to say to the cats in my best Jewish Mother voice "And why do I need another job title that isn't doctor or lawyer? So I can make minimum wage cheering people on as they pass kidney stones?" Cheering them? I'd be more likely to rush them.  Are you done yet? How about now? Oh, please, I've had three kids with no drugs, so just stop with all that grimacing and noisemaking. You're fine. And wipe that up. I'm your nurse, not your maid.

Seriously, you do not want me in the medical field. It would be a setback to humanity of epic proportions. But since I mentioned maids, now there's something I've been training to do all my life, but I digress.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you soon about the open position.  I am available for an interview at your convenience, but don't think that I'm without time commitments because I'm not currently working. Today is Mystery Coupon Day at Publix, after all.

If People Came In Commercial Packages, We'd All Be Hung or Wear 40DDDs

Please excuse me while I discuss a few matters with the products in my medicine cabinet.

Really, Acid Reflux Medication?  Do you think I'm not going to buy you to just because you're in a small see-through container and I can see that I'm only getting 28 pills?  I can read, you know.  Making the opaque container twice as big as it needs to be isn't fooling me.  I know I'm being taken.  But if it's a choice between being taken or regretting my morning cup of coffee, well hell.  That's easy.  Let's be honest with each other, shall we?  You're making a big profit off my suffering and I'm willing to pay.  The lies diminish us both.

And how about you "medicated powder?"  I held your golden body up to the light in the bathroom and saw that right out of the Target bag, you're only halfway full.  And the sticker still discreetly covers your holes so I know it's not likely that someone has been unscrewing the cap and stealing from you.  Powder is messy,  That's not really an asset when you're shoplifting, is it?

But again I ask, do you really think I would forgo you if I knew the truth?  Would I prefer that my undercarriage (that's that place under my boobs, y'all) becomes a swamp while I work out?  Of course not.  I'm going to buy you and enjoy the refreshing zing! when I apply you because, goodness knows, there are few things worse than an under-the-boob rash.  It's impossible to scratch in public without receiving the small mouth from some eagle-eyed prude or a invitation from some horny goombah.

"Let me take care of that, how 'bout it!"

At least if something in my panties itches, I can deal with it and claim I'm merely "adjusting myself."  Works for guys, right?

But reach for your own boob and you're disrupting traffic.

The fact is that we have a commercial relationship.  I have a need.  You fill that need.  You charge what you think is a reasonable fee and I pay it.  If it gets too out of hand, then I go in search of the generics which means I'll be paying significantly less only to find the opaque container a quarter full instead of half full.

I don't want to love you, but I do need you.  Okay?

The best thing about you is that you either prevent things or make them go away. Put another way - you're the bouncer to the increasingly seedy nightclub that is my body.  Listen, at this stage of the game, I've got enough metaphorical guys wearing too much cologne and too much gold jewelry trying to invade this space.  I know that it won't be long before I'm glad even for those guys because the new crop of losers is likely to be much, much worse.  I'll probably look back fondly on a little boob sweat and acid reflux when the real horrors of aging hit me.  But until then, can we at least honor our relationship with a little honesty?

Thank you for indulging me today.  You know how these little things can build up over time.  So, what is it that you'd like to get off your chest?