I'm an arrow in a bow

I once found solace in writing. Even when I was penning my most ridiculous posts, I felt a sense of peace. Now writing is a source of discomfort. It's a reminder that what once fueled my words is gone-ish and how things have changed and how the very act of writing itself has become a source of mild conflict and shame.

Life is so different now. The people (Mathman and the children) and cats, I once relied upon for material aren't part of my daily life. Being a mostly solitary creature leaves me with little to write about. I'm so bored with myself I can't stir up enough mental dust to pound the keys.

Hang on a minute. That's a lie. A dirty, rotten lie.

The truth is life is ridiculously interesting and churning these days. So why am I not writing?

For one thing, I'm out of the habit. Recognizing that precious few people really give a fig about the minutia of my life, I still miss the habit of sitting down every day and trying to find something meaningful or funny to write about. I am so out of the habit that I finished the previous sentence with a preposition.

The second reason is because the cast of characters has changed and some of them are strongly opposed to being part of this blog. I can't say I blame them. We can all agree that I use my writing as a weapon from time to time.

The third reason is that more people who know me outside of writing come here now. The anonymity I once felt has disappeared, and I find myself quite reluctant to go out on the limbs from whence I once swung. (Look ma! No sentence-ending preposition!)

Here are my options as I see them:

1.Write anonymously and express myself however I want about whatever I want.
2. Write the way I always have and hope that the new characters get used to being captured here like moths on a straight pins.
3. Learn how to be more creative and stop drawing so much from life and spend more time writing fiction.

That last one, while appealing, isn't really possible. Blogging has always been, for me, a sort of journal keeping. I'm not sure I want to abandon that kind of writing.

I'm leaning toward writing anonymously so that I can do what I need to do with my writing. I've always used it as cheap therapy and goodness knows I could use much more of that now. (See above about the churning.)

Actually, there is a fourth option. I can continue to draw from life and write in a way that is both creative and at least somewhat sensitive to the people in my life. This sounds good, too, but it will lead to so much more not writing so no.

I'm going to write anonymously for a while. It's what I need because life is about to change again and I'm going to be even more solitary than I was before. There will be days when writing is the only contact I have with the outside world. Not that that is an all around bad thing.

If you want to find me, please email me at lisahgolden@gmail.com and I will send you the link to the new place where I'll be writing.

I'm also going to keep this blog and may post here, too, but for now, let's pretend we don't now each other, shall we?

Thanks to all of you who have been here to read and to share in the goofiness. You're all gems.

Here's to new old things.

 xoxo

Lisa

She Really Isn't Faint Hearted

When I first started blogging several years ago, I did so for two reasons. First, I needed to write. The other reason to blog was a political life line. Where we live, liberals are in short supply and I needed to express myself politically.

I was surprised, then, when I pretty much lost my mojo for political writing. I still have plenty of opinions, most of which are ranted and raved as I stand half-naked in the bathroom each morning. My ravings and finger-pointing opinions are usually my flurried response to something I've heard on NPR. MathMan is my audience and I know that he's only half listening because he is very easily distracted by things like half-naked women. That's okay. I've learned to accept my limitations as a pundit and to play to my strengths.

And so, my blog has evolved to what you see today. I've been thinking about not blogging any more because something is going to have to give. Instead of stopping altogether, I'm going to stick with this scaled back version, posting two to three times a week and doing my best to offer quality over quantity.

One of the reasons why I can't give up blogging completely is because the most welcome aspect of blogging is the friendship I've found among you. I've had the pleasure over the years to meet several of my fellow bloggers. Last night, I added another notch to my metaphorical bedpost by hanging out with B., otherwise known here in comments as Notfainthearted. She's here for an educational function and we got together last night for dinner and drinks and lots of words.

Last year, when MathMan and I were going through our really rough times, B. offered many words of support and wisdom based on her experience. I was touched then by her unflagging and upbeat attitude, even under her own frustrating circumstances. I always felt like she really understood what was going on here, even though we'd never met in person.

Last night confirmed that.

I walk away from such a meeting and I'm floored that what started out as my way of yelling into the darkness about politics has given me the chance to know so many interesting, intelligent and multi-talented people.

And you know, I can't help but think that last night, I made a friend for life.


P.S. Now that I've told you I'm sticking with less posts, I'll be posting a small avalanche of things. I've got post build up and I need to thank a couple of people for their kindnesses. I know, it's the blogger's curse - announce you're slowing down and boom! you're all bloggity-blog-blog.

P.S.S. I keep hearing this song and so I'm punishing you with it, too.

Because I love you that much, that's why.